On Misogyny
In 1985, my mentor, Dr Betty Reardon, wrote the book, Sexism and the War System. Everyone should read it. [Side note: The PECHV has been making zine versions of this work, so you can find it in short bites on our website.] All those years ago, Betty made the clear point that we cannot even begin to address war and militarism if we do not talk about feminism. In the text, she states that she aims to “make the case that sexism and the war system are two interdependent manifestations of a common problem: social violence.” (5)
I’m thinking about this because, for all the progress we have allegedly made for women and girls, we are now deeply in the throes of a massive backslide, legally, socially, and culturally. I’m reminded of those Virginia Slims ads omnipresent in my childhood, which plastered “You’ve come a long way, baby” across billboards to sell “feminine” cigarettes, and welp, we’ve NOT come a long way, after all.
Violence against women has been the norm for so long, it’s almost hard to imagine a world without it. Whether it is weaponized violence—such as the use of rape as a tool of war—or the more quotidian practices of silencing women’s voices or underpaying/undervaluing the work of women, or blaming women, or erasing women, or remlving/limiting womens rights, it is everywhere.
In all my classes this semester, almost at the same point in time (no, I do not plan things that well), we covered different aspects of the violence perpetrated against women. In Comparative and International Education, we’ve been talking about education in conflict and post-conflict societies (globally), and the statistics were there: girls are the most impacted via low enrollment due to cultural or religious issues, financial or family-related responsibilities, or the biggest reason: fear of Gender-Based Violence.
In The Adolescent in American Society, a group of students presented their project this week, inviting us into the world of toxic masculinity, specifically via sports. But we have talked about toxic masculinity at various times throughout the semester, addressing the harm done to the girls and women on the receiving end, but also the dehumanization of the boys (it usually starts with adolescent or peri-adolescent boys). And of course, we explored how to address this as educators.
Finally, in, Peace Education, we just explored the root causes of the ongoing harmful effects done to the planet which lie in first religion, then science, creating a dualism, a separation between humans and Earth for the primary reason that Earth, as the primordial mother, the full giver and nurturer of life, was female. We had a very interesting conversation about how we’ve experienced or witnessed this in our religious upbringings and/or education. Then, I shared with the group I quote I learned while in seminary (still haven’t found the attribution) wherein a Roman soldier shares his true fears about women, since women bleed every month but do not die, yet men who bleed die on the battlefield. For so long now, men have feared the power of women, of the sacred feminine, and thus, their only answer then—and now, as we see continued efforts to silence, devalue, and reduce women—was to find ways to control us. But sorry, insecure, toxic masculine fellas, you cannot control us. You will not. (And more importantly, perhaps if you tried, instead, to understand the power, wisdom, and life-giving energy of women instead of listening to people like Andrew Tate and all the other misogynist rapists or incels that populate the manosphere, you might embrace your own feminine side and become a more fulfilled and whole being. Just a thought.)
I have two recommendations for my dear readers this week:
First, listen to this podcast: Infinite Women: Dr Samantha Schulz on the Manosphere in the Classroom. An excellent, if disturbing listen to just how far we have slid thanks to the writings, videos, and online hatred spewed in the manosphere.
Second, watch the Netflix show Adolescence. I was immediately drawn to it since I teach a course on Adolescence, and wow, it did not disappoint. I found it to be simultaneously profoundly disturbing and incredibly important. Without adding spoilers, I will simply say that this series shows exactly what happens when we don’t talk to our boys (and our girls) about real emotions, relationships, sexuality, and our common humanity, and instead let young boys get their “education” from the toxic manosphere. Wow. Just wow.
Oh, and a final thought. About a year ago, I was trying to have a conversation about peace education with a teacher who shared a story about a scantily clad girl in her high school and her “worry” that the security guard would get in trouble for looking at her (in what I assume was a certain lewd manner). She kept blaming the girl for causing problems for the grown man. I finally asked her, “Did you try to have a conversation with this girl about why she dressed that way? About how it made her feel or where she learned to do so?” Naturally, the answer was no, and it also included how “her mother also dressed like a XXX.” So, while I retained my composure, I continued to ask questions, trying to drill down to the societal pressures of why this person dressed this way, how the ‘male gaze’ dictated so much of our choices, and how patriarchy was the root cause and we need to educate not judge and impune. The conversation went nowhere. There was not an ounce of understanding or movement on this woman’s part. Her internalized misogyny was too great to allow her to be part of the sisterhood. We are also up against that. Women who side with men, thinking that proximity to “power” is real power. Uh, no. In my eyes, there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. Full Stop.